Jerry, you need to find god
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
