just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
