My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What a dumb baby whore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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