How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
