My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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