We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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