I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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