Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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