Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
