Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Houston, we have a blender
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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