if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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