Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
