You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
