Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
