Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
false alarm, still single
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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