I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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