I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
