is your mom at the bar?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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