I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
pop tarts are not kleenex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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