My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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