I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
