well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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