is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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