walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
