i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
