just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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