I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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