definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
