I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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