I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
