you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
