he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
