the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
