ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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