Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At least make sure they are 18
Why
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
