Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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