grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
