I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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