best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
