i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
