Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
