White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
