her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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