I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
