I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
