U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
