no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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