Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
