I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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