get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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